Jokes Post them here for giggles.

Fri Nov 05, 2021 4:24 pm

Put your jokes here, lets see who has the funniest jokes.

You never know what might happen.. BUT PLEASE REMEBER .... BE POLITE.....

PG13 Jokes!!!!

What is black and white and read all over?

Santa falling down the Chimney of course..... You lot thinking it was a newspaper sicken me.
Twisted Evil

Fri Nov 05, 2021 4:41 pm

Nah, we just know the difference between 'read' and 'red'.

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. To see his flatmate.

Sun Nov 07, 2021 9:31 pm

Why are jalapeños such good marksmen? Very Happy

Because they haben-arrow. lol!

Sun Nov 07, 2021 9:36 pm

Im gonna put a few dad jokes here if thats okk

How many lips does a flower have?
Answer: Two lips

Did you hear about the cow that was lifted in the air by the tornado?
Answer: It was an udder disaster

What you call a frog illegally parked?
Answer: Toad

Why are balloons so expensive?
Answer: Inflation

I bought a horse and call it mayo. Sometimes mayo neighs

What did the grim reeper say when he walked into a shoe shop?
Answer: Im here for your souls

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the highschool?
Answer: Its ok he woke up

Where do i keep my dad jokes?
Answer: In the dadabase

A ghost walks into a bar and the bartender asks the ghost what do you want?
Answer: Im here for the booze and spirits

Mon Nov 08, 2021 7:08 am

Jazz! I think there's a whole box of Christmas crackers used up there.

Mon Nov 08, 2021 10:59 am

Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids so I came and helped

Basketball

He won’t stand against the three of us! Cool

Mon Nov 08, 2021 3:10 pm

Q: A man walks into a bar, what's the first thing he says?
A: Ouch

A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar, both get drunk, the giraffe falls over, the man gets up to leave and the bartender says: "Oi, you cant leave that lyin there" the man replies, "that aint no lion mate, its a giraffe"

Sun Nov 21, 2021 12:33 am

If Iron Man and Silver Surfer team up together does that make them alloys?

Sun Nov 21, 2021 9:02 am

Only a collector / Stacker would laugh

Fri Jan 07, 2022 5:08 pm

What has seven eye's but cannot see???

Ans. 3 blind mice and half a pigs head

Fri Jan 07, 2022 5:27 pm

Just named my dog a.. so now when I call him I yell come on my a.. get in here

Sun Jan 09, 2022 7:34 pm

Fortune8 wrote:What has seven eye's but cannot see???

Ans. 3 blind mice and half a pigs head

Am I the only one who has no clue about this joke?

Sun Jan 09, 2022 8:40 pm

"Am I the only one who has no clue about this joke?"
Yes

Mon Jan 10, 2022 1:49 pm

The Cat's Mother wrote:"Am I the only one who has no clue about this joke?"
Yes

Please explain, I live a sheltered life, I even asked my wife and she couldn't see the joke.

Mon Jan 10, 2022 2:06 pm

Admin wrote:

The Cat's Mother wrote:"Am I the only one who has no clue about this joke?"
Yes

Please explain, I live a sheltered life, I even asked my wife and she couldn't see the joke.

I'm with your wife on this, but not seeing the joke isn't the same as having no clue about it and I'm sure she could see what it was on about.
So, I'm not saying it's funny, but:
Count the number of eyes (3 x 2 = 6 for the mice and 1 for half a pig's head)
That makes seven eyes, none of which can see as the mice are blind and the half a pig's head is deceased.

Mon Jan 10, 2022 2:36 pm

The Cat's Mother wrote:"Am I the only one who has no clue about this joke?"
Yes

Erm.... not wishing to upset you but I nearly split my side laughing at this one...

Mon Jan 10, 2022 2:42 pm

since it hasnt been posted yet.............. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Q: Why does a squirrel swim on its back?

A: To Keep his nuts dry of course

lol

Q: what does a smart politician and Sasquatch have in common?

A: Both are rumoured to exist but no conclusive evidence has been found

Q: How do you keep a bunch of blondes in suspense?

A: I'll tell you all later

Mon Jan 10, 2022 2:59 pm

Great @CanadianGoldHunter , and I'm not even blonde.

Q. What's black and shrivelled and hangs from the ceiling?
A. An incompetent electrician.

Q. How do you confuse @Admin ?
A. Show him two shovels and tell him to take his pick.

Mon Jan 10, 2022 3:02 pm

Q: what did one tectonic plate say to the other when it bumped into it?
A: Sorry, My Fault

Q: What kind of tree can be placed in your hand?
A: A Palm Tree

Q: Why is it bad to trust atoms?
A: Then Make Up Everything

Q: Why are chemists excellent for solving problems?
A: They have all the Solutions

Mon Jan 10, 2022 3:05 pm

Q: Why do protons hate electrons?
A : they are always so negative

Mon Jan 10, 2022 3:08 pm

How many years have you been collecting Christmas cracker jokes @CanadianGoldHunter ?

Mon Jan 10, 2022 3:12 pm

@The Cat's Mother unfortunately I have had to brush up on my science jokes lately, my son has been getting into trying to tell good jokes so ive had to tap into the the old repertoire and dust off a few classics that always got a laugh in science class Wink

like liquid nitrogen, they are a little dry but I still get a giggle from them lol

Tue Jan 11, 2022 10:28 am

Admin wrote:

The Cat's Mother wrote:"Am I the only one who has no clue about this joke?"
Yes

Please explain, I live a sheltered life, I even asked my wife and she couldn't see the joke.

The humour stems from the correctness but unanticipated shock of the answer, far less subtle than a pun for example :¬D

Tue Jan 11, 2022 1:40 pm

Went to Tesco's this morning and saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay and thought...
Wonder what his handicap is?

I’ve just bought an Humpty Dumpty toy from Aldi it’s great, it comes with Aldi kings horses and Aldi kings men

My favourite Santas reindeer isn't Rudolph the red nosed reindeer it's Shitzen the brown nosed reindeer, he runs directly behind Rudolph and can run every bit as fast but just can't stop as quickly.

Tue Jan 11, 2022 5:36 pm

The Cat's Mother wrote:Great @CanadianGoldHunter , and I'm not even blonde.

Q. What's black and shrivelled and hangs from the ceiling?
A. An incompetent electrician.

Q. How do you confuse @Admin ?
A. Show him two shovels and tell him to take his pick.

You wait.

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