Jokes Post them here for giggles.

Sorry couldn't resist :)Why should you never listen to coins?

It never makes any cents

Just a thought, to debone is to remove the bones from a carcass, so why isn't to deliver to remove the liver...?

Any ideas...?

That's the English language for you lol

LAST Joke removed,

It and Both Mods posts.  @ShortJohnSilver  @The Cat's Mother

The original poster had a pm. 

Remember some jokes are fine in that area, but please consider this is a worldwide forum. 

Some jokes might be in bad taste elsewhere.

Admin wrote:LAST Joke removed,

It and Both Mods posts.  @ShortJohnSilver  @The Cat's Mother

The original poster had a pm. 

Remember some jokes are fine in that area, but please consider this is a worldwide forum. 

Some jokes might be in bad taste elsewhere.

Erm, I guess it was just as well that I didn't understand it then...?

It was just a joke that was not suitable, we all make them. It was bound to happen. We all have varied tolerances of what is and is not acceptable. 

At the end of the day it was easier to remove the joke than to upset members. 

Please remember everyone that jokes need to be clean.

@ShortJohnSilver if you want an explanation, PM me. I am, however, somewhat ashamed of knowing it.

How to get to Heaven from Scotland

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again, the answer was 'No!'

By now I was starting to smile.

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"

Again, they all answered 'No!'

I was just bursting with pride for them.

I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"

A six year old boy shouted, "Yuv got tae be 'kin' deid"

Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir eye....

The man who invented personalised number plates has passed away.

His funeral takes place on TUE504Y at 11am.

How do you make Holy Water?



You boil the Hell out of it!!

And now for one a little more on topic;

If you find gold in Australia, where do you look for silver?


Agstralia.

I see the new coinage is already out.

Rod Panhard wrote:I see the new coinage is already out.

'Ere, we'll have none of that!!!

ShortJohnSilver wrote:

Rod Panhard wrote:I see the new coinage is already out.

'Ere, we'll have none of that!!!

No need to change the banknotes at least, most of them have Charlie on them already.

It's pouring rain and Andy Capp quietly walks home from the bar in his usual state. When he approaches a puddle, he walks around it.